Reflection on Failure

Something I've thought about lately is failure - what led to this failure and how did we react to it. It's not the most fun thing to think about when you've spent most of your life reacting to failure with blame and anger. It's embarrassing, and this may come as a surprise to you, but those reactions weren't helpful in any reasonable way.

I think the big reason I primarily turned to those two responses is because I didn't want to face the reality that *I* was the problem. It was always the referee's fault, or somebody at work didn't communicate well enough. Sure, there could have been some truths to those excuses, but those half-truths will always be there. Without going through an internal change, those situations will continue leading to failures and frustration.

While I had overcome my bursts of outrage years ago, I still never really excepted full responsibility for my failures, in that, I don't think I understood what it took to grow from that failure. I would accept the blame, but nothing ever changed. What brought this up in my life was I was listening to a few health podcasts about how important it is to have a high VO2 Max ⁽¹⁾, and as somebody who is decently fit, I often told myself that I probably would do well in that aerobic health measurement - and then I did an estimate, and...it did not go well. I wanted to blame it on plantar fasciitis, but I did my test on a bike. I even then went on a jog after my feet recovered. It also did not go well; I was drenched in sweat and huffing and puffing after running a 10 minute mile. I wanted to blame anything I could think of, but the truth is, the only person who could take the blame was me.

This realization that there wasn't anybody else to blame, and there wasn't any other rock I could hide under caused a wave of cringe-inducing memories to come flooding through my mind. In college, I'd blame a professor for not being a good teacher. At work, I would blame somebody for communicating poorly when I just as easily could have reached out to them to confirm what information they actually needed. At home, I would assume my wife was going to do something, and when it didn't happen, I'd be frustrated. It was something that had been engrained in the way I went about life for longer than I can remember.

None of that is bad news, though. In fact, it's great news! Sure, it is tough to get over your ego and break a bad habit, but all it means is that there is room for change and improvement, and we are in control over it.

After every failure, I force myself to answer two questions: "What could I have done differently," and "What could I have done better." I write the answers to those in my journal. After a nice handful of painful failures, you'll start to notice a pattern. Mine was (and still is) almost always poor communication skills and/or laziness, but it is something that I at least now understand that I need to work on.

This is a topic that I hope to dive more deeply into here, but I just want to challenge anybody reading this to take a deep look at themselves whenever they fail, and hopefully they can find some clarity on those failures and find a path to improvement.

(1) Healthline defines VO2 Max as the maximum amount of oxygen your body can absorb and use during exercise.